Today was most interesting. I can actually say that I had fun at my Bio. Lab. We did this thing where you had 2 tooth picks in a tube and you had to shake 1 out of the tube and your partner had to do the same. We had to repeat this 50 times and mark the colors down on the paper. Of course the colors stood for something..it was the traits of the parents, dominant and recessive. Then we had to use 2 tubes each that had all different colors in them and shake it and make down the colors we got, but this we had to do 100 times!! LoL. It actually didn’t take that long. I did my lab today with Melissa. She is awesome. I’m going to be semi related to her when my sister gets married. The guy that she is marrying is Melissa’s cousin! So that is awesome! But we just goofed around the whole time and said random stupid things, like I normally do. It was funny because we were the last group to start and the 1^st group to finish. The girls behind us were REALLY REALLY annoying! Wow, one girl was singing the whole time. I just wanted to turn around and be like SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! But that wouldn’t have been nice so I held back. Then they were talking about this guy that’s body goes for REALLY big to REALLY little. The 1 girl is dating him and made a comment and her friend goes, “Duh, YEAH I’ve seen him naked.” I was completely and totally disgusted!

Then after lab I went to the police station and filed an accident report. The cop was really really nice to me. I was freaked out when I went in there because I was afraid that I was going to have to talk to the cop that was there the night that I OD. That would have been BAD and interesting!! LoL. But it wasn’t. It was funny cuz the cop was asking me all these questions, like what is your license plate #, do you know your insurance company..things like that..and each one he got a NO to. So I had to call my dad and ask him who our insurance company is and the cop went to my car and copied down my license plate #. Then he handed me a card and said there you go and have a nice day. I was like..that’s it?? lol. I said thank you. It was funny, but the cop was really nice about it.

Then I went to math class for the 1^st time in a week…my bad!! lol, but my time spent away was well worth skipping! There is this girl named Ashley in my class, she said that she knew me from Girl Scout or something ALONG time ago. It was weird, I didn’t recognize her at all. I felt kinda bad, but she asked me for my # and I didn’t really want to give it to her, but I did. Then Melissa is in my math class too. We just goof around and talk about our weekends and her partying. She is 1 crazy chick. But we get along great. there is also this really weird guy in my class, both math and bio. And he sits there and just stares at me! It’s really really creepy. Ohh yeah, Geoff is in my class too. We have fun making fun of each other, but it’s all in a joking manner. I remember he was picking on me 1 day and I hadn’t really talked to him in a long time and he kept making fun of me and calling me amazon..don’t ask! So the next day in class he came up to me and pulled my hood over my head and I said,”Don’t fucking touch me.” He was like Jill and he said sorry that he was just joking around..so I said sorry too. lol, it was funny though. But Geoff is a good guy.

So today, I’ve been doing a lot of my homework. I read an article on HIV and how it’s spread and how the gays and junkies pass it on and how the media got involved in it. It was crazy. I had to read it for interpersonal communication class. Interesting huh?? LOL! Then I watched my shows and I’ve been talking to Jordan on the phone. It’s been a good day all in all.

I realized something today about myself. Other than being really happy almost all the time…I mean how can I not when I have such great friends like Fallon, John, and Jordan’s sisters, and of course his mom and the best guy ever as my boyfriend, Jordan! Jordan just really really makes me happy and makes me feel good about myself all the time. I never really had any self confidence at all. I’m talking NONE! Then Jordan came into my life and I have A LOT of self confidence and I got it all from Jordan. I’m very out going now and starting to speak my opinion. I goof around and have fun all the time. I mean sure there are things that I still get upset about and some things that I’m sensitive about, but I just try to keep them behind me.

Then all those people that I was fighting with, it’s now over! It’s great. I don’t hate anyone. I’m friends with Gabe and Stephanie again and Jordan, Gabe, Stephanie, and I hang out now and talk and have fun. I’m hoping that the 4 of us can go back to the way it used to be. I miss it a lot. Lauren and I talked online one night for a while which was cool. It’s just nice that things are better, not saying we are all friends, but we have a respect for each other and can put behind all the stupid shit that happened. Who knows though there might be 1 crazy day where all of us are friends again.   

But as for now, I’m just waiting for Thursday, it’s become 1 of my favorite days because I’m done with classes for the weekend and Jordan comes up!! YAY!! I’m so excited to see him and show him what I did to my room!! And the “BIG DAY” is coming closer and closer and I just can’t wait!! It is going to be SOOO much fun!!

Ohh, today I found letters from my Grandpa George to my Grandma Gwen. They are my mom’s parents and they are both dead now, my grandpa died when my mom was 8 so I never knew him, but I did hear a lot of stories about him from my grandma. I used to have a favorite story about my grandpa and the “talking” bird. My grandma would hold me and I would lay on the couch and she would rub my back and tell me that story over and over. But it was interesting reading the letters, it was from 1944!! Yeah that’s a long ass time ago. They were married and my grandpa was away in the army somewhere. He was really sweet and carrying. The paper was SOOO old, I was afraid that I was going to rip it. I also had a hard time reading his hand writing..he was writing in cursive! lol, it was kinda hard reading the letters just because I thought about my grandma and how much I miss her and how I wished that I could have known my grandpa, but it was alright. I have the best Papa EVER..my other grandpa, I don’t call him grandpa it’s always Papa. So I guess you can say that makes up for not knowing my other grandpa...in a way..

Well this weekend was a lot of fun! Jordan’s family came up. Gabe and Stephanie only came up for Friday. When they got there Stephanie and I just talked. It was a lot of fun! Then she had to go see her parents and Gabe went with her. Then Jordan’s family and I went out to dinner, well ordered in..we got the Pub!! Yummy!! Then we just kinda hung around the house and then Jordan and I went back to my house for a little bit. I got my dress for the wedding and brought it back to the house so that his mom and sisters could see it.

Then we went to the movies with Jordan’s mom, mom’s boyfriend, 2 sisters, and his sisters fiancé. It was a lot of fun!! We saw Hitch! Great movie. I love Will Smith movies, other than Wild Wild West..hated that movie! The guy from King of Queen was SOOOOO funny in it! Yet I still think that the movie could have been a little better, certain parts dragged on with it and it just got boring, but I guess you could say that the funny parts made up for it! After the movie we saw Kyle there and he gave me a big hug. He’s funny, I grew up with him! He’s a great guy!

Then we went back to Jordan’s house and just hung out! It’s ALWAYS a blast hanging out with Jordan’s family. They are SOO funny! Just a bunch of great people! Then Jordan and I headed out to my house and watched TV and just hung out.

Then Saturday I had to babysit with my sister. We babysat 4 little boys, between the ages of 10-12. My sister and I have babysat for them before. They are crazy little boys. They went downstairs to play video games and my sister and I kept hearing “bitch” and “hell”, so I went downstairs to say something to them and right when I came around the corner this little boy was yelling at one of the other little boys and he said, “Shut up you stupid bitch” I yelled at them and told them that I didn’t want to hear anymore swearing. Later they did it again thinking that my sister and I couldn’t hear them. So she went down there and yelled at them. Then they just played games and Nintendo..Halo mostly. Then Jordan came to the house to give me dinner!! His little sister came too. We sat there and talked for a while..that was the highlite of the night!! I was really really really happy that they came to see me!

Then came bed time!! OHHH WOW!! They ran upstairs and were just running and running and jumping on beds. Finally I went upstairs and got them ready for bed. Tori yelled at 2 of the boys who were sharing a room and then I had to go up there later to tell them to be quiet. I told the 1 boy that if I heard him 1 more time that I was going to take him out of the room and move him downstairs. He said ok ok and they went to sleep. The people were really late. An hour to be exact and Jordan was sitting at my house. I felt really bad!! They finally came in and there were 3 guys..1 of the guys was drunk!! He was falling all over. So they gave us our money and my sister and I headed out, but we couldn’t get out. Their driveway was icey and my sister couldn’t get up the hill. So the drunk guy and the other half drunk guy came out and were trying to help us get up the hill!! LoL, the really drunk 1 got into the car and wanted to drive it up the hill. I was going OMG!! Then he got out of the car and my sister was driving and the 2 guys were trying…key word there, trying, to push the car up the driveway!! Then the drunk guy came up to my window and was asking my sister and I who’s cuter him or his brother. That was amusing. Then he was asking us all these weird questions. Then the other guy got in the car and got it up the driveway. He kept calling me my sister. He thought that she was the tall blonde..but nope that would be me!! Then he was stuck in the car cuz the door was locked and he was telling me how great I was and then my sister finally got up the hill and I unlocked the door and told him to get out! It was funny. Interesting, but funny.

Then I went into Jordan’s house with him, but the only one awake was him mom. So we sat there and talked to her..that was a lot of fun! She was telling us about her day and it was quite interesting. Then Jordan and I headed back to my house.

Sunday Jordan and I just hung out with my family. Then today Jordan went home. I went to class and we did this thing about first impressions. This group of guys thought that I was the good church girl. When my teacher asked them why they thought that they said it’s because I looked sweet and innocent. I just laughed..I was like yeah..you don’t know me too well at all. haha, the rest of the day just dragged on.

Ohh I didn’t go to my math class again!! I felt like shit today. Actually all weekend I didn’t feel too hot! I was up throwing up on Saturday night, Jordan was there and he sat there with me. So I decided just to come home and relax! Which is what I’m trying to do!! Ohh, and today someone HIT my car!! They put a big dent in it on the passenger side on the back door! So tomorrow I’m off the the police station to file an accident report. Fun fun fun! Stupid people, LEARN HOW TO PARK!!!! :evil:

Anyways, tonight my parents are gone, so it’s just me and my sister!! Woo hoo!! This should be interesting!!

Ohh yeah, one more thing. I read Jackie’s diary at the beginning of the weekend and it said that she was planning on inviting me to her get together today. I just looked at it today and it was erased!! Haha!! Apparently someone didn’t want me to go. Which is fine..I wasn’t really planning on it and that is exactly why. But I found that amusing. Yeah, things ARE getting better…

Today was actually a really good day. Today was my first day of Interpersonal Communications class which went very well I might add. My teacher had to have a hysterectomy, I think that is how you spell it??!, the first day of school. So I have been off for a month and one day!! The one day being a snow day!! HAHA, we had a snow day, crazy, but AWESOME!

I remember everything about the 2 weeks before my grandma died! There hasn’t been a day that has gone by that I haven’t thought about her and how much I really miss her. There are times where I’ll be alone in my room and cry for her. I miss her so much.

My grandma and I were really close. My 2 sisters and I were pretty much her world. She has always lived very close to us, so she was always around. My grandma suffered a stroke 6 years before she died. The stroke made her not able to speak correctly. I remember that night too. It’s hard to forget things like that. I loved my grandma more than anyone could ever know and I miss her a billion times more than that, but death is a part of our lives no matter what we try to do.

My grandma was 91 years old and she died November 26, 2003. That was the day before Thanksgiving that year. I remember 2 weeks before that we moved my grandma into Sunny Banks so that she would be around people and would always have someone around if anything ever happened. She was prone to choking and we were worried that no one would be around. She also would faint a lot too. I remember coming home one day after school and my neighbor telling me that my grandma had passed out in her yard (she lived across the street from us) and my uncle took her inside her house. That freaked the shit out of me.

Anyways, we moved her into Sunny Banks and just a couple days after that she hit her hip on the brick wall and shattered it completely. She had to have immediate hip surgery. My mom told me what happened and I freaked out. I knew that the number one leading cause of death for old people was broken hips, not the fact that they broke their hip, but the recovery after it and they can’t get up and exercise and their lungs fill up with fluid! So I instantly panicked! My mom told me that everything was alright, that grandma came out of the surgery fine, which she did. I remember going to see her at the hospital. She was still sleeping and I still remember the noise that she was making. Then they moved her into Brotz recovery. My grandma was there for about a weekend. My mom told me that everything was fine, she didn’t want me to worry because I’m a worrier and I worry about everything and everything! But then I found out that everything wasn’t ok.

I remember going to Amanda’s house in a state of panic. It was around midnight and she and I went to visit my grandma at Bortz. My mom and my cousin Shelly were there too. We stayed there and talked until 2 am. Then I took Amanda home and went home myself. Then came the day I call HELL!

It was November 26, 2003. I went to visit my grandma again. She was doing very bad. She stopped drinking and eating. She wasn’t responding to anything and wouldn’t let anyone make her comfortable. It’s like she just gave up. I remember sitting there with both my sisters and just staring at my grandma. My sister, Jenna, took my hand and put it in my grandma’s hand. I sat there and held her hand and just looked at her. She looked so helpless. She was making this gurgling noise when she would breathe and she had her head pushed back with her mouth open. I was balling my eyes out. Jenna told me that it was ok to cry. But all the noises and just seeing my grandma like that, I couldn’t bare it. I told Jenna and Tori that I was going to go get something to eat and that I would be back later. I leaned in give her a kiss and my grandma responded to me. It scared me. My sister told me to do it again or say something. So I said grandma, but nothing and I couldn’t do anything else. I just needed out of there, so I left, not knowing that would be the last time that I would see my grandma alive. That thought just kills me so much.

So I left and I went to Jackie’s house. I told her what happened, so she called Mike and Geoff, and she drove me out to Mike’s house to watch movies and get my mind off of things. Well that worked for a while, but then I had 2 voice messages. One was from Jordan and the other from my mom. When I heard my mom’s voice I knew that my grandma had died. I knew it in my heart. My mom just said that I needed to come straight to Bortz and to call her before I came. I called her and she wouldn’t tell me what happened, but told me to come to Brotz, but not to drive myself. I freaked out when I got off the phone with her. I walked back into Mike’s room and told everyone what happened, then I ran down the stairs because I was crying uncontrollably. I remember falling in the hallway. I remember Mike flew down the stairs after me and sat beside me and just hugged me. I shoved him off of me. I didn’t want anyone to touch me. I went into the bathroom and when I came out everyone was standing there just staring at me. They all gave me a hug and said sorry and then Jackie rushed me to Bortz. I remember Jackie held my hand the whole way and just kept telling me that everything was going to be alright and I will never forget what Jackie did for me.

So Jackie walks me into Bortz and I see my family right at the doorway. I saw my dad crying and I knew that my grandma was really dead. I walked in balling and my dad just grabbed me and hugged me. My mom came and got me and walked me back to where my grandma was. There I saw my grandma’s dead body. I sat down beside her and I was crying hysterically, then I couldn’t breathe. My Aunt Bobbi grabbed me and carried me out of there. She just hugged me and all I wanted to do was scream. I was so pissed and so sad. Then I found out that my mom and dad both whispered in my grandma’s ear and told her that it was ok to die. That they will always love her and if it is her time then it is. And my two sisters where in the room when she died and so was my cousin Maureen. My heart was completely broken. Then I saw the funeral guy come in with a bag on a stretcher. All I wanted to do was hit him. I didn’t want to let him take her. I didn’t want to admit that my grandma was actually dead! Then I saw my grandma getting wheeled out of Bortz in a bag on a stretcher. And everyday I see that image in my head.

Then the funeral came. Jordan drove up for the day. Mike, Stephanie, and Jackie came too. I remember walking up to the coffin and seeing my lifeless grandma there. It was hard, but I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. The ceremony started and the pasture is a good family friend of ours. I remember that I was sitting at the end of the row and Jordan was sitting next to me and he held my hand the entire time. I remember all the wonderful things that were said about my grandma and I remember my Aunt Bobbi singing. She has a beautiful voice. During the song I couldn’t fight back my tears anymore. I didn’t want people to see that I was crying though. But out of the corner of my eyes I could see Mike, Stephanie, Jackie, and Jordan all staring at me. I didn’t want them looking at me, so I turned my head, but there were more people over there. I just wanted to run and sit with my mom, but my stupid Aunt was sitting there and I didn’t want anything to do with her. Then after the ceremony was over Stephanie got up and came over and gave me one of the biggest hugs ever. I just cried the entire time. Then we drove out to the cemetery and sang songs and said our final good byes to my grandma. I took a couple flowers from her grave.

On the car ride home Jordan sat in the back with me and whispered in my ear, “It’s ok to cry, I’m here for you.” And I did. I lay in his lap balling my eyes out and he just held me.

I also remember that the day after she died I got my stain art window glass thing back. It was lying on my desk in my room. I saw it and I started balling. I told my grandma, joking around of course, that when she died I was going to take it back. If you knew my family you would see the humor in that. It wasn’t like I wanted her to die and I sure as hell wish she were a live today. She had a list of people that she wanted to out live and she did. Then she started on a new one. My grandma was funny, she truly enjoyed every little bit of her life.

I felt so horrible for my mom. She lost her dad when she was only 8 years old. He died of a heart attack. So she basically grew up without a dad. All she had was my grandma. They were very close. So when she died my mom lost the only parent that she ever really knew.  It broke my heart. I don’t know what I will do without my parents and I don’t want to think about it at all.

I will never forget any of that. There were little things that I left out, just because I didn’t want to go into them, but my grandma dieing has scarred me for life. It was just the beginning of my hell from that year. It was the one thing that brought me down and it got worse from there. But I needed to write about it, just so that I can help myself get better. I hold my grandma in my heart. I think about her everyday, the good the bad. I remember the noises and the way she looked. Whenever I drive by Bortz, which is almost every day, I get a chill down my spine. I hate that place! I’m just thankful that I had Jordan there with me. He helped me through it all a lot. He was always there when I needed him the most and he always is.

Well, I’m bored! So I thought that I would write in here. I’m really excited!! My oldest sister is getting married in less than 3 months!! Hooray!! It’s going to be SOOOOO much fun! The guy that she is marrying she has been with for over 5 years and has lived with him all but 1 month of that time! So we all knew that it was coming sometime!

Well, my sister has her dress and she looks beautiful in it! She has 4 bridesmaids and obviously 4 groomsmen. The bridesmaids dresses are beautiful too. They are red with bikini straps. Around the chest they have little red beaded flowers and a string of red beads at the bottom of the chest. Then it has a thing that looks like the dress is wrapped around you. It’s very very pretty! My sister has 2 of her good friends in it and then my other sister and myself. My sister couldn’t choose between my other sister and myself so we all agreed to just have each other as bridesmaids and have one of our best friends as the maid of honor. Which I think is a good idea anyways! I’m really excited for the big day!!

We have been planning this since they got engaged! I think that everything is planned out now. My sisters’ maid of honor is her best friend from high school! Her name is Anni! She is awesome! She is so funny! So Anni is throwing my sister her batchelorette party! OMG!! That is going to be SOO fun! Also, the day before the wedding we are going to the Bay Harbor Spa!! That is going to be great! I’m getting a 50 minute back massage, a pedicure, and a manicure! It’s going to be great! Then we are going to have lunch there at the hotel and my Aunt Lisa rented out a sweat so that my sisters, the other two bridesmaids, and I could all stay the night there. The next morning we are getting up and getting ready there and then a limo is going to pick us up and take us to the wedding! It’s going to be a blast! I’m so happy for my sister.

Besides that the guy that she is marrying I love to death! He’s a great guy and they are great together! I’ve basically thought of him as my brother for a long time. He’s definitely my protective big brother! He’s so funny if I tell him that someone is doing shit to me he’s like you want me to beat them up?? lol. Of course I tell him no cause I don’t really want to see anyone get hurt and I definitely don’t want him to go to jail!! But the thought counts, lol! I tell him everything pretty much. He’s so funny to talk to. He gives me a lot of advice and helps me through a lot. I also love his family. They are all really nice.

So, the big day is coming closer and closer! I just can’t hold back my excitement anymore! YAY!! Ohh and my other sisters boyfriend is moving in with us soon. I’ll explain about that later. But this is all I’m going to write for now! Later!  

Well I decided to write an entry in here for me. Over the past year and a half I’ve gone through so much. A lot of it I never thought that I could get over. First I loose my grandma, then I OD and almost die, and then a friend from the past was killed in a freak accident. That all happened in a 3 month period, give or take a few weeks and all at the end of my senior year too. It’s a lot to handle. I still deal with it each and every day.

After all that I thought that I was completely alone and I felt no one could help me. I was screaming out for someone to come and save me. I’ve never been so completely scared and lost in my entire life. Then from there things didn’t get much better. I started fighting with my friends and I must say that some of the fights were so unbelievably stupid, I can’t even go into it, I'm gonna kinda go into it. It's funny because only a very few people really know why we started fighting. I came off as a huge bitch to everyone else because no one knows what really happened, everyone heard one side of it all. It was me defending my best friend, then my best friend turning on me and another friend betraying my trust (again) and talking shit about me. I know most of those people won't believe it, but that's the God honest truth. Another funny part is I'm not even fighting with those people anymore, but a couple of their friends. I still feel that that those fights were stupid and should have ended sooner, but they didn’t and I lost a few friends in it, but it just shows me that the friendships weren’t meant to last because something so simple could ruin it and they can’t forgive me. It’s not like they were perfect either and I forgave them for a lot, but you know what it’s something that I learned to deal with.  I have a lot of great friends, ones that have stayed with me threw thick and thin. People that I love dearly and care about. I will never forget the friends that I lost though, they are in my heart even though most of those people hate me and with their own reasons. I will never say that I’m perfect because I most definitely am not. I’ve made my mistakes on the way. Most of all I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons.

I have learned that my family is always there for me. No matter what happens I can always count on them. I used to shut my family out a lot, but now they are always one of the first people I run to. My family is so amazing and they love me and care a lot about me. I’ve grown so close with them that it’s crazy, but the thing is we’ve always been this close, I just never realized it before. My family has helped me threw a lot and they will always be there for me and I will always be grateful for that! I love my family with all my heart and I’m beyond lucky to have them in my life!

Then there is Jordan! My boyfriend and the best boyfriend ever! I met him 2 summers ago. Jordan and I have gone through so many ups and downs, but in the end it just made us stronger and closer. I could have not asked for a better person to fall in love with. He is the greatest person in the world!! He’s so loving and caring. Not only that but he’s gorgeous, smart, funny, and just so much more. He’s always there for me no matter what. He’s the shoulder I cry on, the person that makes me laugh when I’m sad, and my best friend. I’m so lucky to have found him. I have found my soul mate at a young age and that is pretty rare. I’m blessed to have him in my life and I thank God every day for such a wonderful guy like Jordan. I love him with all my heart and each day we grow closer and closer! Words can’t even describe how much I love him.

So now I’m a freshman in college and I chose to stay in my home town to go to school! It was obviously cheaper and I didn’t know what I was going into, so it made sense to stay here. I don’t regret my decision at all. I’ve met so many cool people here! People that are going to this community college are really nice and really down to earth. I’ve made a lot of new friends, some that I would have most likely not talked to at all in high school. You really have to get to know someone before you judge them. And I’ve had a blast getting to know all these people. The best part is that Jordan comes up EVERY weekend.

I guess what this all boils down to is just that I love being me and I’m so happy right now! I’m living and loving it. I know I’ve made mistakes on the way, but when it comes right down to it, I’m a good person.

I’ve also learned that you can’t please everyone, there will be people who hate you, some people will want to make your life hell for their own reasons, and their will be people who will judge you solely on one thing even though they don’t know you at all. Then there are the people who will love you unconditionally, will always be there for you, will always be there to help, and will love you for you. Those are the people that I hold close to my heart. I’ve also learned that the people who try to hurt you only makes you stronger and soon you move on and I live my life the way I want instead of the way everyone else thinks I should. I’ve also learned that there are some people that don’t like me for their own reason and that it’s OK. That was one of the hardest lessons to accept at first, but now I don’t dwell on it at all. Instead I laugh when someone talks shit about me and let it roll off my shoulder.

In the end these are little things that make me the person I am today, love me, hate me, it’s up to you. I’ve read the little “group” of people’s diaries that don’t really like me and it seems that they happy and it seems like they are finally letting go of what "happened" and not writing about me, which is cool, I’m really glad! I’m happy for them too. I just hope that this fighting ends now. Who knows though. Shit happens.

well, i decided to change the color of my blog because things have changed a lot. i'm ready to deal with all the bullshit that i'm sure matt is about to say about me or anyone else in that group for that matter. it's totally fine. i'm actually enjoying this because he is so stupid that it makes me laugh. he can call me all the names he wants. tell me that i'm a stupid bitch, that i have a "lost soul", i stir up shit, what else did he say?? ohh yeah, i should rot in hell. he's just amusing now. all he does is threaten me. ohh well. i guess some people just don't know better. it's ok. jordan and i get much enjoyment out of them. especially matt. we've never done anything to the kid or said anything about him until he talked shit about me. so it's just funny that he's doing this now. ohh well. i don't know if i'm hoping that matt will respond to this just for my amusement or if i do it cuz i know it bothers him and he will respond to me?!! hmm, there is nothing that he can say about me that he hasn't said already. so i'm not sure what else he'll say or do..but we will find out!!! i'm more doing this just cuz matt talks so much shit and i want to see what he will do and for the reason that he's threaten me SOO many times about not saying anything about him or anyone in his group..i guess that is the reason that i'm doing this!! there you have it. well, i haven't lied once on my blog and i don't plan on it. i know that that whole group thinks that i have, but that's ok. i don't care anymore if they believe me or not.

yes matt, PLEASE comment about me. talk shit about me say bad things about me!! it's fun! i love listening to you making an ass out of youself!! jordan and i get A LOT of laughs out of it! maybe you should just threaten me one more time..maybe just maybe i will stop talking!! :lol: